Product of my Pain

It’s been one of them days

When I’m feeling some type of way

It’s one of them days when I don’t have anything to say

Them days when it hurts so bad you become numb

Days when life is a black hole sucking out all the fun

When my feet wanna run and I’m low on emotional funds

Bankrupt of the same love that I used as ammunition

Firing away and sharing with everyone who was around

But like a boxer on the 12th, I’m out of rounds

Unless you wanna start counting frowns

I’m losing my head while it sits on top of my shoulders

But my head is a top cuz my thoughts keep spinning

And on top of that, I think the other side’s winning

Lost in my own darkness, the only way here is the way I feel

And though I can’t describe drowning in a drought I know for sure it’s real

Using makeup to make believe I’ve got this, I’m made of steel

Truth is I need to heal and I’m trying to weather this storm like a palm

I’m losing my grip, I got sweaty palms

I try to console myself with the book of Psalms

But the words tear as my eyes tear

And I’m going through this alone because I’ve got all these fears

I don’t want anyone around

To see me with my guard down

Plus this is my winter but I may just fall

I worked too hard at fleeing from what I’m feeling to fall for anyone at all

Conversely, I wish someone would spring into action

And even though I’m not whole, and my heart has a gaping hole, if he could give me a fraction of his time

Not that I care about his sign but if he could add to my life, that would be sublime

It’s been one of them days when quiet thoughts break the sound barrier

Racing through my mind, the faster they go the scarier

I begin to question my path, this pain, my purpose

I begin to think my efforts are worthless

It’s one of them days when tears turn to streams down my cheeks

And form puddles at my feet

Then one of them days turns into a long week

I look in the mirror and wish she’d stop crying, but I can’t make her

I plead with the heavens and cry out to my Maker

And as I fade into this night

All remains dark but one candle light

Amidst all my doubts of one thing I’m sure

I’ll have my dawn, my morning I’ll procure

But time has been mean for this day has been long

And in the meantime, my black night has my white flag drawn

And with the blow of the candle to kill the fire ablaze

I sit back and think, It’s just been one of them days

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