I think we’ve danced this dance for far too long. I’m tired of being hurt by you and feeling worthless on account of the things occurred. This is the last time I fall for that. I refuse to let you continue dictating my present. I refuse to let you be a constant reminder of my falls and my fails. I refuse to let you make me feel ashamed and hurt all over again as if you had never been blown away by the winds of change.
Sure, I made mistakes. Sure there are things, horrible things I’d rather keep hidden from the world. Sure you know my deepest darkest secrets and remind me of them every time I feel down, but I’m calling it quits. I will not be colluding with you anymore to harm my present. Like the sands of time. you have slipped away and been laid to rest. You are non-existent; you’re deadline has passed. I need to live for now. I need to live in my present. I can no longer let you try to mold what’s in front of me from your backseat perspective.
Your purpose was served in your moment, but like time, I must go forward. I have to keep moving. I can’t afford to spend another minute trying to fix what’s behind me when time only goes in one direction. I can only do my best at making things better from here on.
So please, stop playing your accusatory tales on repeat in the back of my mind. Stop trying to make me stain my present with the pains of my past. Stop reminding me where I was and let me get to where I’m going.
I realize you had your part in making me who I am. I realize that you had your part in getting me where I am. I realize that you’ve taught your lessons and forged memories, but these are like accessories to a much larger machine. They may enhance it or have an aesthetic effect but are not the main purpose of the entire product.
While I cannot change you, I can learn from you. While I cannot erase you, I can teach from the lessons you taught me. While I cannot take away the hurt you’ve produced I can heal, leaving only painless scars as reminders of obstacles overcome, lessons learned, and forgiveness gained or given.
You may have broken my heart, but I’ve learned that even broken hearts can still beat. You may have brought me storms, but I’ve learned that it is the rough sea which makes an expert sailor. You may have robbed me of innocence, but I’ve learned not to be naive. You may have stained my life, but I’ve learned that art isn’t found on a blank canvas. You may have broken me down, but that taught me to look up. You may have killed my dreams but never my hope.
Today I live for me, for the now. You are but a collage of reminders, both good and bad. Please stay within your place in time and let me move forward. As this dance between us ends, allow me to gracefully bow and bid you adieu. I’ve learned so much from you but it’s time I let go, just as the tide lets go of the shore to return to the great depths of the ocean, giving way for a new tide to come in.
This is a “not see you later”, it’s goodbye.
2 thoughts on “Letter to the Past”
WOW….thank you. We all need to read it out loud, and tell the pass just that. Amazing. Awesome. You go girl!
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Thank you Elluz. Always grateful for your support.